Turkey-Wattle Goozle - I've Got You Under My Chin

I woke up one morning and noticed something hanging under my chin. It was skin. It didnt look right to Consolidate federal loans so I asked my mother about it. I was 9. Mom told me that it was just a goozle. I was not a bit relieved. I looked up goozle in the dictionary and I found this:

Goozle: The accumulated loose skin that hangs under one's chin usually becoming prominent in men as they reach mid to late forties, sometimes called turkey-wattle neck.

I asked Mom how to antidpressant rid of it. She just waved me off and said it was normal. Normal! Ha! Thats what they told Quasimodo when he asked about his hump, thats what they told Frankenstein when he asked about the steel bolts in his neck. Why dont parents tell you the truth; you are a monster.

Now that I am considerably older my turkey-wattle goozle hangs down to my waist. Im considering renting it out as a storage unit or pup tent. There are some procedures that can help.

Botox: You think of Botox for little crows feet and mouth wrinkles, but I think I can get a doctor to apply it by the gallon and my goozle will be tamed back to its 9 year old level. It should not take more than twelve injections over a period of 3 years.

Ice: For a temporary shrink, just before the prom, say, stick your goozle in a bucket of ice for about an hour. Be sure to be home before midnight because when it goes, it goes fast.

Surgery: A temple-lift will help some but there Star Trek a risk of ending up looking like The impotence remedy if it is overdone. Better to just cut it off completely, tie up any loose muscles or whatever lurks in a goozle and cover the scars with industrial strength make-up.

Psychotherapy: Learn to like yourself, goozle and all.

Disguise: If you can, grow a really big beard. If you cant, wear a ruff collar. You can also dye your hair orange which will draw attention away from your wattles. They can be painted like army camouflage uniforms so no one will notice them.

Or you can Consolidate debt loan student accept that you are a monster and get work in the movies. As a producer.

Jack Wilson is a writer and artist in Tempe, AZ

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